Can someone interpret this, please?

Ok, so I've been chatting with an old school chum on Facebook....maybe once a week we'd pass an email back to each other. Then out of the blue he asked me to dinner, I didn't expect it, but I said yes. He had already sent his phone number a few emails back, so I retrieved it and called him to set the date. We arranged the date and area, he told me to pick the place. Two days later I called him back with my suggestions, and he was ok with it, and he asked me to email him the directions which I did. We set a meeting time, chatted for about 20 minutes on the phone, and he said he'd call me before then anyway. Two days after that conversation...he EMAILS me to CANCEL the date. Doesn't call, emails. He wrote that he has his nephew's bday party that day. Now, to me, that sounds like BS. If he really did have his nephew's bday party, wouldn't he have CALLED to cancel? I would think that it's easier to lie in an email than on the phone....comments, please. BTW, I am disappointed that he cancelled, I was looking forward to our date!

They All Come Back

So I am sitting home today stuck because my car broke down for the second time in three days.  There was one day when it didn't break down because it was being worked on.  So I get an instant message from this guy that I went out with back in June.

He was going back and forth with me in instant message...I played along and chatted because I had the time and quite frankly I was so frustrated with other things going on that I didn't want to work.  I guess you could say I wasted my time...but hey I didn't really if I had fun, right?

Well, he kind of vanished from the scene this summer. I told him that I wanted someone who would have time for me.  He apologized that he wasn't quite himself this summer and really thinks of me often.   He wanted to know why I didn't respond to his phone call from a few weeks back.  He also wanted me to know he was still interested and wanted to know if I would be interested in going out. 

He said being with me relaxed him and he felt like he was transported from another place and another time.  I am so glad that these guys feel this way, but seriously; how come they feel this way and only a very few make me feel that way? 

They all seem to tell me they love me or really, really like me...then disappear...then they come back...  One ex asked me, "why is he calling you?"

I laughed and replied, "I don't know. You all come back!" 

What does that mean??   Am I really that incredible?  Well, I'd like to believe I am.  And as time goes on, I do believe I am! 

Now the real question is how do I get them to stay and not disappear, get scared or make the decision to stay and fight for what they want.

Experiment

I would like first to suggest to Rachael that perhaps success could be a feeling rather than a specific outcome; did you feel good about it? Yes = success!

I will be in Chicago on 11/6 and will, yet again, miss our gathering. ;-(

I'd also like to report on a little experiment I'm trying this week. This involves the concept of 'what if they're not misbehaving?' and 'if he really liked me, he wouldn't call me on Saturday to do something Saturday night; he'd have called earlier in the week if I wasn't his last resort.'

Ladies, WE would call earlier in the week because we are diffuse thinkers versus the laser-focus thinkers that are men. What if the guy gets to the end of his work week of putting out fires and battling dragons and finally, on Saturday morning, he can relax a little, pick up his head and say to himself, "Now that I've saved the world from certain destruction, hey, I'd like to spend some time with her. I'll give her a call."

We're pretty well trained to say no, because how dare he think we have nothing better to do than wait for his call, and on such short notice, to boot! So I have to ask myself - do I want to see him or not? Maybe that protocol should be tossed out the window.

So here's what I did. We've been in a place of not actually connecting, but trading voice mail messages to check in and say hi for a little over a week.

On Wednesday, I left a message letting him know I was planning my weekend. I said I'd love to spend some actual face-time with him, walking the dogs, doing a movie or dinner, watching a game (thus providing ideas about what would please me.) Did he think he could carve some time into his weekend to do something together? I closed with, 'I'd sure enjoy seeing you.'

So here's the experiment part: I planted the seed in the middle of the week when I'm planning my weekend. He's still wrapped up in his work-week, but the thought is percolating and he knows I'm interested and he also knows what I'm interested in doing. Tonight (Friday,) he will likely be wiped out because he does physical work outside, no matter the weather. I don't expect to hear from him tonight. (What a nice surprise if he did call!)

I think he'll call on Saturday, probably early afternoon after he's done his morning routine (whatever that may be) to suggest an activity. He doesn't have to read my mind (the pressure's off,) he knows a few things I'd be interested in doing, so he can return my call pretty safely knowing it's a good bet that I'd like to hear from him. He knows I won't be mad that he called me on Saturday after he's changed his focus and transitioned into personal time because I already suggested it would be a good time to call.

What do you think, Ladies: is this manipulation or making the best use of predictable patterns and resources? I'm leaning towards the latter and I'd like to see some chatter about pro's and con's.

Rachel Revisiting Her Affirmation & Intention

So I have decided that I would revisit my affirmation and intention which is something we should all be doing daily; if not more than once per day.

My affirmation:  With Mr. Right, I feel safe, loved and at peace.

My intention:  I have a healthy, vibrant, loving relationship with my husband.

Yesterday, I did my visualization of my experience with Mr. Right. (Step 3 from the first night's gathering).  I visualized it really well and it felt natural.  And yes, as I speak about it...it feels good and right.  So I decided that I would take that visualization one step further and write it down.  I did!  I wrote the story of "Rachel".  It involved a little more than just Mr. Right...it involved a lot more detail:  his family accepting and loving me and my family as nuts as they seem at times respecting him and really liking him.  It involved us married and getting ready for our first child.  It involved the warmth, love and light in the house.  It really involved all those feelings.  To be honest, I don't know what inspired me to write it...but it felt really good.  And when I read it this morning...it was easy to read and just from reading it ...I could feel it.

Perhaps, this may be a way to revisit your story every day.  Remember, at the beginning of our gathering--I had found that Children's Book: The Wedding Day and I read it to us.  That is what I am doing with my story.  I read it out loud this morning and boy it felt good.   So perhaps you can all try it too?

Is there a Flirting 101 Class? If so, sign me up!

Well from what we discovered last weekend, I have not been very good at flirting.  I was not practiced because quite frankly I didn't know how.  I felt a little oblivious.  It is really funny when I think about it.  When I look over my life, I realized I used to be such a good flirt, but then out of nowhere it disappeared; how does that happen?  Does that have to do with being in long term relationships  Do we forget how to flirt?   Is flirting different when you are involved with someone?  I know that the men I date know I am interested in them, but is it because I am more comfortable because I know they are interested in me too?  Is it fear?  What is the worst that can happen if you flirt with someone?  What is the worst that can happen when you don't flirt?  These and many other questions have been popping in my head. 
 
So the other night I did practice when I was out with the girls: I flirted with two guys--it worked or so I think...because one kept looking at me...the other one was wrapped in the Yankee game--the problem was I wasn't interested in the one that kept looking...and well I guess that was made clear because he didn't approach us, a group of newbies...I really feel like that is what we looked like, of course no one knew but us. Then yesterday, I stopped to get gas..and there was a cute guy by his car and we did a little smile and it felt like flirting, but was it?  Or what about the flirt when you are both at the traffic light and look at each other and hold the gaze for a couple of moments, smile, look away and then the light is green and he is gone?  Is that flirting?  Is that successful? What determines success if you are in your car and in a hurry?  Or what is you get the guy to look back, but you are not interested?  Hmm...I am confused...how will I know? 


I have been pondering this quite a bit the last few days.  The other night when we practiced--even with girlfriends I think I failed?  Well---yes, I believe Mary would agree with that statement!  So I thought why is it so difficult to do what used to come naturally.  And the answer I came up with is this: It feels a little silly to practice.  I mean if you are not interested in someone, what is the point?  I know the point is to practice, but I feel silly.  So how does one overcome this silliness?  I mean I am more than ready to flirt with someone cute, but then I realize I feel a little fear of rejection there or hey it may come off wrong.  Hence it is a circular thought I have to just go back to practice.  I need practice. I need pointers. I need help.  Anyone have any suggestions on how to practice without getting cold feet?

Day After Mojitos

Congrats! We made it through our first evening of Manifesting Mr. Right...and what a night! We Manifested Mr. Right over Mojitos. Sorry for those of you who missed it---it was a great time and we did a lot of work in 3 hours--you won't believe how amazing the energy was. I lit a candle for each of us, including all of you who could not attend...you were held in the energy so that you can do this work with us even though you were not there. To keep you all in the loop, here is the scoop:

We did some work and left with some homework last night:

A. Take time to write a list of qualities you want in a man. (yes we all may have done this before; however, things change over time and it is to get you refreshed back in the game so to speak.) Once you have that list now---narrow that list down to The TOP 5 qualities that you can not live without. The first list you will keep and hold that as your check off list when you start dating. The book says after 5-6 dates you will be able to know if that person meets your list and hey if you listen to your intuition you may be able to do that sooner! So take time with this---we did!

B. Why haven't I found him exercise? Write a list of the reasons you feel/believe you have not found your man? Be as honest with this list---we don't have time to lie to one another or ourselves...we want to meet our mr. right so hey---it is your choice to be open and honest with yourself. By the way, I encourage all of you who attended last night to do this again with perhaps a little more clarity with out the influence of mojitos! hahaha

Really do this list...it could encompass any of the following: I never meet Mr. Right. There is no such thing as Mr. Right. I am not pretty enough. I need to lose weight. All men are jerks. Etc. It could be anything.

The author of the book suggests that we go back over that list and see if the "beliefs" (that is what they are) fall into 1 or more of the following categories: About Ourself (O), About Men (M), About Love (L). For example: I never meet Mr. Right. (O); There is no such thing as Mr. Right. (O, M, L); I am not pretty enough. (O) I need to lose weight. (O), All men are jerks. (M, L)

This list is imperative for you to discover where your beliefs lie. The book states: If you find a lot of (O's) you will find that you need to work on your self esteem. A great exercise, suggested by author of the book (which is quite similar to the homework I often give my clients--you all know what I mean), is to pick one good feature/quality about yourself and explain why you feel that way and it feels to discover that. Do this for 21 days...develop a new habit of loving you! If you don't love everything about you; no one else could or would. If you find a lot of (M's) then you need to look at your beliefs about men and your thoughts. Listen to the words you use in conversation even if they are used just in gest. It impacts you more than you know. Notice your thoughts/beliefs and be willing to change them. If you find a lot of (L's) you need have a defeated sense of love and have been soured on the possibility. Over the next 21 days, observe people and really notice couples and see the possibility of love. (Last night on my drive over I saw a couple in the parking lot where the woman ran up to the man and he picked her up and carried her lovingly over the car--it was like that hadn't seen each other in months--when in fact it may have simply been a day...but the love was really there..that is what I want and what I believe is possible...what about you?)

C. Create a positive affirmation about what you want in a relationship. Spend some real time feeling it and experiencing it. The book suggests starting with: With the right man, I feel..... You get to fill in the rest. My example would be: With the right man, I feel safe, loved and at peace.

This is a tough one to visualize as many of us are blocked from allowing us to experience what that would be like because we have been hurt...but I can tell you that if I can do it...so could you!

D. We sat down together and held each other's intentions. We sat in a circle and held hands and one by one we each created our intention. The first person said their intention, we repeated it, closed our eyes and held that intention for them and then shared our experience with each other...then did the next person. The one word trap I did hear from people was the following words "I am going to..." if that is you...change it to I will/I have, etc. For example: mine was I have a healthy, vibrant, loving relationship with my husband. It felt good!

E. Each weekend we have to go out.  We made it a pact to each week all, some or a few of us to get together and go out together. That way we are making new friends, never have to go out and practice alone and just have fun while working it! hahaha (We can all be everywhere and we are not all available--but we can figure it out together...it is key to attend events so we can connect with eachother. Someone will through out there each week what plans they have about Singles events or whatever they may be interested in doing---so each person can choose to go. Remember,  we are not alone in this!!

F. Reconnect and Empower our Intention.  I know in my first email I said our getting together at someone's house is a first and probably last get together at someone's home, but I'd like to propose that we make it a point to get together as a group at someone's home at least once every 2-3 weeks to reconnect briefly, reenergize our intention and remember the support we have in this process. Or as one of my friends likes to call it---pre-gaming...but not in the drinking way...in the connection way. Then we go out together afterward.

G. Practice Flirting and Increase Feminine Allure. Oh ya I almost forgot two other topics: we learned that I do not know how to flirt--but I am going to change that over the next two weeks and I will begin to say I do know how to flirt!!   Flirting is key and we really don't all know how to do it--except one of us particularly last night, right?  And the other thing we learned is how to increase our feminine allure. This book has some great ideas!!