So much to tell you guys. To start, for those who know me well you know that I have/had a best friend who I was "in love with" but he didn't feel the same way about me. Instead of waiting for him to come around I told him two weeks ago that he needed to move on and he needed to let me move on cause I wanted to find someone to be with and he was keeping me from doing that. Two days later, out of the blue, I met a fantastic man and we hit it off. NOW, I can't stop thinking about my new "friend" and I look forward to seeing him. We want all the same things and we have so much in common. We are both asking each other "is this really true?" However, I am not ready to jump into anything without knowing someone real well cause I don't want to get hurt like in the past; who does?

So, the purpose of this blog is that today I took another look at the words I wrote down during our initial Manifesting Over Mojitoes meeting and ALL the things I wanted EVER this guy posesses. It is so weird and I just can't believe it.

At this point, I am just going to enjoy the ride and hope that things continue to go the way they are but using positive visualization and having a "plan" and using the power of the universe seems to really work. :)

Do I stay or do I go?

How do you know?  I wonder is it just me that doesn't understand men?  I laugh as I type that because I know I am sure I am not alone in thinking that, but really?  What is with all the mixed signals?  Why isn't anyone clear anymore?  I wonder, do I give a lot of mixed signals to men? 

So many questions were playing in my head today after spending time with a good friend.  It is so confusing.  How do you know what to do?  You have chemistry--it is a given, but one of you is not available ?  Do you remain friends?  Or do you run while you can?  I am not sure which way to go on this one. 

I used to run like mad in the past.  However, in the recent years, I learned to stay if I felt it was worth it.  And now?  I am not sure which way to go because either way I would be left with some questions:  If I stay to see where it goes---then will I be wondering one day, did I waste time waiting?  If I run, will I wonder what if I stayed would it have been the love of my life?


At what point, do you know it is time to go?

If you have Ms. Right, then why look for me?

So I am on facebook.  I get  a friend of a friend request to add as a friend....does that make sense?  In another way, a friend's friend friended me?  Does that make more sense?  I hope so.  Regardless...someone friended me so I accepted the friendship because due to my business a lot of people friend me to learn more. 

So he sent me an email:  "Thank you for adding me.  You really are one beautiful woman." 

I wrote back and said:  "Thank you for the compliment.  May I ask why you added me as a friend?"

He wrote back and said:  "I'd like to get to know you better.  Maybe see how things go."

So it intrigued me enough to look up his profile.  He is in a relationship and his profile even says he met ms. right.  So tell me, what is he thinking? 

When I am with the love of my life, mr. right...I don't forsee me looking for someone else.  Any suggestions on what I should say?

Making the Impossible Seem Possible

So, I did this step the night of our Mojitos--Visualizing the Intention!  I really got into the feeling and the mode of what it was like to have that someone in my life.  I took it one step further.  About a year ago during one of my classes, I had a my students draw a picture of what they wanted in life.  The picture I drew was a family---a house, the ocean and a family standing together.  It was really just the right picture for me.  I did the exercise again with one of my classes and the picture was different--there were more things I wanted to focus on in that newer picture. 

After we did our intention exercise, I went back to the simple picture because it felt just right!  A couple days later, I looked closely at the picture and then turned it over and wrote the The Story of Me.  It was a beautiful story and it felt good.  When I read what I wrote I believed it.  It was the story of me when I was living the life I dreamed of.  I read it now and still feel that it is believable. I feel like I stepped up a notch to be able to believe the story that I wrote. 

Now my goal each day is to read that story at least once a day---usually at bedtime --like a bedtime story.  It feels really good and really possible; making the impossible seem possible.  Anyway, I am glad to be sharing this with you all.  I hope you are able to experience the feelings as well.

To give him a chance or not to? When he is hot and cold.

Does that sound familiar to anyone else?  So there is this guy who met me in the summer and went on and on about how great I was.  He seemed to really like me. Then he seemed to get all wrapped up in his life and kind of faded away.   I had other things going on too. 

So recently he looked me up again to talk to me. He asked me out for coffee and I finally went out with him.  He was all hot after me.  That was like three weeks ago. We talked on the phone a few times and through IM/email dailly, but we haven't seen each other--I know he is a student and single dad, but really he doesn't have time to get together for a quick call? 

We were supposed to get together last Friday night...he was supposed to call me.  I text him as I was going into a class I was teaching and then nothing.  I even called him because I got out later than I intended.  No return call.  Didn't hear from him all weekend.

So I wrote him a mail today and told him that I expect respect and truly felt blown off.  I said I didn't have room for disrespect in my life.  He did respond to my email with a "reason" for him to have not called me back...I don't buy it though...how could you not send a simple email or leave a simple text or phone message?  I mean the plan to get together was Friday...it is Monday and truly I believe he only responded because of the email.  Do you ladies agree? 

To be nice or not to be?

To be nice or not to be?  That is the question pervading my mind. 

Well, here it is a few days after our Halloween excursion.  I had an awesome time with my girlfriends.  I haven't dressed up for Halloween in years and it was wonderful and I have to admit I can't wait until next year to dress up again. 

So when did being nice become a reason for someone to get upset with you?  Being the nice person I am I didn't ignore a guy who wanted to dance with me. I am totally game for dancing So out on the dance floor, I get hit on.  This guy decides to join us on the dance floor and dances with us.  Me being a nice person was okay you can join us.  He starts dancing with me and wants to dance with me the rest of the night. I was feeling a bit smothered.  Now I will admit, it was nice to have someone to dance with, but I had my girlfriends to dance with so it wasn't necessary.   He wanted my number and I told him that he seemed nice, but I don't normally go to bars and I don't feel comfortable giving my number to anyone.  My friend told me that I can't be nice.  I have to not make any eye contact, but that is not my normal nature.  I generally like people and I like connecting with people so what is one to do?  I am not used to going to bars and I am not used to being rude.  Do you have to be rude to people? 

So this experiment of finding Mr. Right is having me come out of my comfort zone in many ways.  There are things I like about it--the amazing revelations I am having and the connections I am building with my girlfriends.  And well, there are those things I do not like such as going to bars where there are a lot of drunk people, a lot of noise, a ton of young people and the energy is just overall crazy.  I laugh because Saturday night there was a great mix of older people, but too old even for my taste which is why we moved on to a new location.    So where do Singles Go?  Where do we go to meet someone?    Where do we go to meet someone and not have to be different than we normally are?  I just want to be myself---I like who I am.  Where can one meet singles who are just like me---wanting to be ourselves without the influence of loud music, alcohol and crazy environments?

Why are we single?

Most of my thoughts today were about last night, Halloween. I am big about self reflection and it's always good to take a step back and look objectively at ourselves in order for us to be better people; for me anyway.

I must say, as much as I was trying to "slip away" and leave last night. Today, it dawned on me that I was thinking of excuses and reasons why I should go home and call it a night. I did have a fantastic time but when I told my parents today about my Halloween costume, my brother said, "So in other words, you were a slut?" I didn't get mad. I actually thought it was funny but it was close to something I was thinking last night as I was dancing with Martin (that British guy). You guys told me you thought my costume was great but in the back of my mind I figure, "of COURSE a person is going to get attention if they dress slutty." So the point of this post is, at what point can I trust that someone likes me for me and not because of the way I dressed or how I looked. Last night was a perfect example. He said, while we were dancing, that he wanted to kiss me and I said no cause I didn't know him. In my mind I thought, would you still want to kiss me if I was wearing sweatpants. He also told me that he did not have his glasses on and I automatically thought, would you still be interested in me if you really saw what I looked like? Then today, I thought, maybe I am not with someone because I have a negative mind set. A childhood friend wrote on my Facebook page today about why I am still single. It hurts when people ask me why am I still single. I think it really is a choice. There are plenty of decent guys who ask me out and want to get to know me but I am too afraid to give them a chance because of the risk of them getting to know the "real" me and then not being interested. I know the 'real' me is not bad, I am just too afraid to end up with the wrong person so I look for things that disqualify them before they even start. Overall, I think a lot of this has to do with my own insecurites and I am not going to find the relationship I crave until I can let go of this negative mind set that everyone is going to hurt me.

Can someone interpret this, please?

Ok, so I've been chatting with an old school chum on Facebook....maybe once a week we'd pass an email back to each other. Then out of the blue he asked me to dinner, I didn't expect it, but I said yes. He had already sent his phone number a few emails back, so I retrieved it and called him to set the date. We arranged the date and area, he told me to pick the place. Two days later I called him back with my suggestions, and he was ok with it, and he asked me to email him the directions which I did. We set a meeting time, chatted for about 20 minutes on the phone, and he said he'd call me before then anyway. Two days after that conversation...he EMAILS me to CANCEL the date. Doesn't call, emails. He wrote that he has his nephew's bday party that day. Now, to me, that sounds like BS. If he really did have his nephew's bday party, wouldn't he have CALLED to cancel? I would think that it's easier to lie in an email than on the phone....comments, please. BTW, I am disappointed that he cancelled, I was looking forward to our date!

They All Come Back

So I am sitting home today stuck because my car broke down for the second time in three days.  There was one day when it didn't break down because it was being worked on.  So I get an instant message from this guy that I went out with back in June.

He was going back and forth with me in instant message...I played along and chatted because I had the time and quite frankly I was so frustrated with other things going on that I didn't want to work.  I guess you could say I wasted my time...but hey I didn't really if I had fun, right?

Well, he kind of vanished from the scene this summer. I told him that I wanted someone who would have time for me.  He apologized that he wasn't quite himself this summer and really thinks of me often.   He wanted to know why I didn't respond to his phone call from a few weeks back.  He also wanted me to know he was still interested and wanted to know if I would be interested in going out. 

He said being with me relaxed him and he felt like he was transported from another place and another time.  I am so glad that these guys feel this way, but seriously; how come they feel this way and only a very few make me feel that way? 

They all seem to tell me they love me or really, really like me...then disappear...then they come back...  One ex asked me, "why is he calling you?"

I laughed and replied, "I don't know. You all come back!" 

What does that mean??   Am I really that incredible?  Well, I'd like to believe I am.  And as time goes on, I do believe I am! 

Now the real question is how do I get them to stay and not disappear, get scared or make the decision to stay and fight for what they want.

Experiment

I would like first to suggest to Rachael that perhaps success could be a feeling rather than a specific outcome; did you feel good about it? Yes = success!

I will be in Chicago on 11/6 and will, yet again, miss our gathering. ;-(

I'd also like to report on a little experiment I'm trying this week. This involves the concept of 'what if they're not misbehaving?' and 'if he really liked me, he wouldn't call me on Saturday to do something Saturday night; he'd have called earlier in the week if I wasn't his last resort.'

Ladies, WE would call earlier in the week because we are diffuse thinkers versus the laser-focus thinkers that are men. What if the guy gets to the end of his work week of putting out fires and battling dragons and finally, on Saturday morning, he can relax a little, pick up his head and say to himself, "Now that I've saved the world from certain destruction, hey, I'd like to spend some time with her. I'll give her a call."

We're pretty well trained to say no, because how dare he think we have nothing better to do than wait for his call, and on such short notice, to boot! So I have to ask myself - do I want to see him or not? Maybe that protocol should be tossed out the window.

So here's what I did. We've been in a place of not actually connecting, but trading voice mail messages to check in and say hi for a little over a week.

On Wednesday, I left a message letting him know I was planning my weekend. I said I'd love to spend some actual face-time with him, walking the dogs, doing a movie or dinner, watching a game (thus providing ideas about what would please me.) Did he think he could carve some time into his weekend to do something together? I closed with, 'I'd sure enjoy seeing you.'

So here's the experiment part: I planted the seed in the middle of the week when I'm planning my weekend. He's still wrapped up in his work-week, but the thought is percolating and he knows I'm interested and he also knows what I'm interested in doing. Tonight (Friday,) he will likely be wiped out because he does physical work outside, no matter the weather. I don't expect to hear from him tonight. (What a nice surprise if he did call!)

I think he'll call on Saturday, probably early afternoon after he's done his morning routine (whatever that may be) to suggest an activity. He doesn't have to read my mind (the pressure's off,) he knows a few things I'd be interested in doing, so he can return my call pretty safely knowing it's a good bet that I'd like to hear from him. He knows I won't be mad that he called me on Saturday after he's changed his focus and transitioned into personal time because I already suggested it would be a good time to call.

What do you think, Ladies: is this manipulation or making the best use of predictable patterns and resources? I'm leaning towards the latter and I'd like to see some chatter about pro's and con's.

Rachel Revisiting Her Affirmation & Intention

So I have decided that I would revisit my affirmation and intention which is something we should all be doing daily; if not more than once per day.

My affirmation:  With Mr. Right, I feel safe, loved and at peace.

My intention:  I have a healthy, vibrant, loving relationship with my husband.

Yesterday, I did my visualization of my experience with Mr. Right. (Step 3 from the first night's gathering).  I visualized it really well and it felt natural.  And yes, as I speak about it...it feels good and right.  So I decided that I would take that visualization one step further and write it down.  I did!  I wrote the story of "Rachel".  It involved a little more than just Mr. Right...it involved a lot more detail:  his family accepting and loving me and my family as nuts as they seem at times respecting him and really liking him.  It involved us married and getting ready for our first child.  It involved the warmth, love and light in the house.  It really involved all those feelings.  To be honest, I don't know what inspired me to write it...but it felt really good.  And when I read it this morning...it was easy to read and just from reading it ...I could feel it.

Perhaps, this may be a way to revisit your story every day.  Remember, at the beginning of our gathering--I had found that Children's Book: The Wedding Day and I read it to us.  That is what I am doing with my story.  I read it out loud this morning and boy it felt good.   So perhaps you can all try it too?

Is there a Flirting 101 Class? If so, sign me up!

Well from what we discovered last weekend, I have not been very good at flirting.  I was not practiced because quite frankly I didn't know how.  I felt a little oblivious.  It is really funny when I think about it.  When I look over my life, I realized I used to be such a good flirt, but then out of nowhere it disappeared; how does that happen?  Does that have to do with being in long term relationships  Do we forget how to flirt?   Is flirting different when you are involved with someone?  I know that the men I date know I am interested in them, but is it because I am more comfortable because I know they are interested in me too?  Is it fear?  What is the worst that can happen if you flirt with someone?  What is the worst that can happen when you don't flirt?  These and many other questions have been popping in my head. 
 
So the other night I did practice when I was out with the girls: I flirted with two guys--it worked or so I think...because one kept looking at me...the other one was wrapped in the Yankee game--the problem was I wasn't interested in the one that kept looking...and well I guess that was made clear because he didn't approach us, a group of newbies...I really feel like that is what we looked like, of course no one knew but us. Then yesterday, I stopped to get gas..and there was a cute guy by his car and we did a little smile and it felt like flirting, but was it?  Or what about the flirt when you are both at the traffic light and look at each other and hold the gaze for a couple of moments, smile, look away and then the light is green and he is gone?  Is that flirting?  Is that successful? What determines success if you are in your car and in a hurry?  Or what is you get the guy to look back, but you are not interested?  Hmm...I am confused...how will I know? 


I have been pondering this quite a bit the last few days.  The other night when we practiced--even with girlfriends I think I failed?  Well---yes, I believe Mary would agree with that statement!  So I thought why is it so difficult to do what used to come naturally.  And the answer I came up with is this: It feels a little silly to practice.  I mean if you are not interested in someone, what is the point?  I know the point is to practice, but I feel silly.  So how does one overcome this silliness?  I mean I am more than ready to flirt with someone cute, but then I realize I feel a little fear of rejection there or hey it may come off wrong.  Hence it is a circular thought I have to just go back to practice.  I need practice. I need pointers. I need help.  Anyone have any suggestions on how to practice without getting cold feet?

Day After Mojitos

Congrats! We made it through our first evening of Manifesting Mr. Right...and what a night! We Manifested Mr. Right over Mojitos. Sorry for those of you who missed it---it was a great time and we did a lot of work in 3 hours--you won't believe how amazing the energy was. I lit a candle for each of us, including all of you who could not attend...you were held in the energy so that you can do this work with us even though you were not there. To keep you all in the loop, here is the scoop:

We did some work and left with some homework last night:

A. Take time to write a list of qualities you want in a man. (yes we all may have done this before; however, things change over time and it is to get you refreshed back in the game so to speak.) Once you have that list now---narrow that list down to The TOP 5 qualities that you can not live without. The first list you will keep and hold that as your check off list when you start dating. The book says after 5-6 dates you will be able to know if that person meets your list and hey if you listen to your intuition you may be able to do that sooner! So take time with this---we did!

B. Why haven't I found him exercise? Write a list of the reasons you feel/believe you have not found your man? Be as honest with this list---we don't have time to lie to one another or ourselves...we want to meet our mr. right so hey---it is your choice to be open and honest with yourself. By the way, I encourage all of you who attended last night to do this again with perhaps a little more clarity with out the influence of mojitos! hahaha

Really do this list...it could encompass any of the following: I never meet Mr. Right. There is no such thing as Mr. Right. I am not pretty enough. I need to lose weight. All men are jerks. Etc. It could be anything.

The author of the book suggests that we go back over that list and see if the "beliefs" (that is what they are) fall into 1 or more of the following categories: About Ourself (O), About Men (M), About Love (L). For example: I never meet Mr. Right. (O); There is no such thing as Mr. Right. (O, M, L); I am not pretty enough. (O) I need to lose weight. (O), All men are jerks. (M, L)

This list is imperative for you to discover where your beliefs lie. The book states: If you find a lot of (O's) you will find that you need to work on your self esteem. A great exercise, suggested by author of the book (which is quite similar to the homework I often give my clients--you all know what I mean), is to pick one good feature/quality about yourself and explain why you feel that way and it feels to discover that. Do this for 21 days...develop a new habit of loving you! If you don't love everything about you; no one else could or would. If you find a lot of (M's) then you need to look at your beliefs about men and your thoughts. Listen to the words you use in conversation even if they are used just in gest. It impacts you more than you know. Notice your thoughts/beliefs and be willing to change them. If you find a lot of (L's) you need have a defeated sense of love and have been soured on the possibility. Over the next 21 days, observe people and really notice couples and see the possibility of love. (Last night on my drive over I saw a couple in the parking lot where the woman ran up to the man and he picked her up and carried her lovingly over the car--it was like that hadn't seen each other in months--when in fact it may have simply been a day...but the love was really there..that is what I want and what I believe is possible...what about you?)

C. Create a positive affirmation about what you want in a relationship. Spend some real time feeling it and experiencing it. The book suggests starting with: With the right man, I feel..... You get to fill in the rest. My example would be: With the right man, I feel safe, loved and at peace.

This is a tough one to visualize as many of us are blocked from allowing us to experience what that would be like because we have been hurt...but I can tell you that if I can do it...so could you!

D. We sat down together and held each other's intentions. We sat in a circle and held hands and one by one we each created our intention. The first person said their intention, we repeated it, closed our eyes and held that intention for them and then shared our experience with each other...then did the next person. The one word trap I did hear from people was the following words "I am going to..." if that is you...change it to I will/I have, etc. For example: mine was I have a healthy, vibrant, loving relationship with my husband. It felt good!

E. Each weekend we have to go out.  We made it a pact to each week all, some or a few of us to get together and go out together. That way we are making new friends, never have to go out and practice alone and just have fun while working it! hahaha (We can all be everywhere and we are not all available--but we can figure it out together...it is key to attend events so we can connect with eachother. Someone will through out there each week what plans they have about Singles events or whatever they may be interested in doing---so each person can choose to go. Remember,  we are not alone in this!!

F. Reconnect and Empower our Intention.  I know in my first email I said our getting together at someone's house is a first and probably last get together at someone's home, but I'd like to propose that we make it a point to get together as a group at someone's home at least once every 2-3 weeks to reconnect briefly, reenergize our intention and remember the support we have in this process. Or as one of my friends likes to call it---pre-gaming...but not in the drinking way...in the connection way. Then we go out together afterward.

G. Practice Flirting and Increase Feminine Allure. Oh ya I almost forgot two other topics: we learned that I do not know how to flirt--but I am going to change that over the next two weeks and I will begin to say I do know how to flirt!!   Flirting is key and we really don't all know how to do it--except one of us particularly last night, right?  And the other thing we learned is how to increase our feminine allure. This book has some great ideas!!